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Jul. 15th, 2004 @ 01:16 pm Pizza and Pondering
Current Music: Simon & Garfunkel, "Richard Cory"
After gorging myself at Mr. Gatti's buffet (a/k/a, My Happy Place) with some friends, I pretty much vegged out at home. Got the back room almost totally in order, with the help of my roommate, and it's *so* adorable. The Pan-Asian room is almost completely complete.

Found an old Braves jersey from an ex (Bwandon) that I stashed away when I lived with a boyF. He can be 50 years old with 11 children, and he'll always be Bwandon to me... So, donning the jersey, I blasted Madonna and David Sedaris (odd combo, I know) while decorating and cleaning.

Getting loads of work done today, and I was actually early for work *GASP*. I even had 15 minutes to spare to play with the dogs in the yard before work. It was a really, really fun start to the day.

This morning I IMed with a friend I haven't had an interactive conversation with in 3 years, which is far too long. It's amazing to look at the connections you have with people -- some, based literally on weeks or months of interaction, are stronger than others that have been growing for years. Of the ppl I love, almost all have been nearly instantaneous connections, and maybe two or three have been a "grow together" sort of situation. I've been criticized for that, recently, but it was by someone who was too insecure and too much of a liar to really offer himself to someone, honestly, and see if there's a match. I'm glad I can do that, and that I have, so many times. I was lucky enough to find a lot of ppl when I was younger, especially, who were similarly available and unaware of how dangerous vulnerability is.

An ex once said that no one will ever be as in love as they were for the first time. He placed the blame on hormones and pubescent excitement. I think it's the opposite. I haven't been in hard, perfect love in a long, long time, and now that I've finally had an unpleasant, unhealthy relationship, I think I'll appreciate it so much more when it does happen. When I let myself fall for someone completely again, it'll be all the more precious, because I don't take it for granted at all anymore.

Where the fuck did that come from? Jesus. Only I can segue in one paragraph from a pizza buffet to appreciation of love. Moving right along...
Date:July 15th, 2004 03:45 pm (UTC)

TO be correct

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I didn't just blame them on horomones and excitement (Though they are major catalyst) I mainly blame them on the pure raw undiluted range of emotions you let yourself feel when in love for the first time. Such as a cobra's venom is most deadly when it first comes out of the shell because it is so pure and new. Over time you get hurt or have other little insecurities that creep in that don't let you feel the FULL range of love emotions. Not saying that you can't be in love again. nor get to a comparable level. I agree you'll apperciate more now than you ever could have back then. But apperciation will not make up for youth. Which is why I'm coming to understand more and more the expresion "youth is wasted on the young." Later
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