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Jul. 7th, 2004 @ 09:32 am In times like these, it is helpful to know that there have always been times like these.
Current Music: STP, Interstate Love Song
I've been wading through a swamp of shit for the past few days, and it's finally hardening. I was in a situation where I had to decide between two completely conflicting accounts, each person swearing on his family's life that he was telling the truth. In the end, I went with my gut and a little bit of logic. I've never been in a situation where I'm 100% positive that someone is lying to me, and it was infinitely frustrating to not know which person that was.

I said to a friend yesterday that I didn't know who to trust, and he said something to the effect of "none of us do." I've never been cheated on (to my knowledge) so when I've gotten into relationships with ppl, I never understood why some were so cautious, so guarded. Now, I can understand. Knowing that someone has looked me in my face and completely lied shakes me and my confidence in recognizing quality.

But, I'm here because of decisions I made, and I'm not going to keep kicking myself for my choices. I can't have a healthy relationship if I constantly question whether I'm right. I look at ppl I know who have been cheated on consistently for years. One of my friends has been cheated on by every boyfriend (maybe 5) for the past couple of years, and she continues to trust the next one who comes along. I would get mad at her, saying she needs to take a step back, look at what she's seeking in a mate, and figure out which traits are atracting her to cheaters. This experience, though, flips that script and makes me wonder if I've either been lucky or not invasive enough to know if someone was cheating.

Well, this was a pleasant entry. Now, in my best superhero tone, "Onward!"
Date:July 7th, 2004 12:41 pm (UTC)

times like these

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It's hard to trust anybody when you can't even trust yourself...good luck with all that and i wish you the best
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